untitled.

I sit and wonder what will happen in my life. 

What choices I will make that will change the direction my life.

What I maybe should be doing now that I'm not.

The different perspectives people see me in and how that affects how I see myself. 

How I shouldn't let other people's perspectives cloud how I see the young woman I am and want to become.

That I look at artists now and from the past as inspirations for my own work as well as consider them people I know but have never met.

Trying to let go of my past troubles that shaped me into a scared child that ran away from her problems instead of facing them head on.

Realizing I'm no longer that scared child.

That somedays I think of how all my struggles in the past had negative affects that I cannot change but grow from.

Wanting to be normal but seeing the beauty of not fitting in the crowd.

Not being able to hide my struggles from anyone for one second of my life. 

A few times people have asked if I have a disease or struggle with things I've never heard of and assume things that I have never dealt with.

Being looked at as someone I'm not by the way I speak and interact by people I will never see again.

Asking questions I cannot answer and awkwardly try to walk away.

Wanting so much out of life but love getting lost in other people's stories.

Being confident for the first time in my life while still getting emotional over things that shouldn't have the affect on me that they do.

Learning that I have something to give to the world and accepting myself for who I am.

Seeing myself as beautiful instead of focusing on things not worthy of a single thought.

Being blessed to be able to breathe and that I can overcome every obstacle thrown my way.

Working on myself through my work, trying to understand why my younger self struggled with such silly things.

I will make something of myself because I survived when others have not and that must mean something.

10.17.2015