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Monday, January 4, 2016

spinning lights in a dark room.


pop pop pop
repeats and repeats
in my ears
like a little kid
playing with a
broken light switch

lights are spinning
my skin glowing
hatred of the world
is my conscious nightmare

I escape through
my calm dreams
but wake to find
the spinning lights
once more

closing my eyes
I can see
the lights spinning
through my
thin pale eyelids

will this chaos
ever be finished?

my eyes
see nothing
in the blank room
no doors or windows
to be found

I'm trapped
floating through time
without the sense
of the outside
or anything at all

wood floors
with no lose boards
are utterly useless
walls appear to
be white
but the perspective
is always different
in dim light

moment by moment
I wonder how
I got here
how I will get out

tugging on my hair
my strained eyes
want to cry
but no tears form

I am stuck in a box
some call a room

where, you may ask?

wish I could tell you

maybe I am stuck
inside my own mind
maybe I'm that insane

the memories I had
are no longer
present
the people I liked
are nowhere
to be found

I wonder if I'm
staring at these
fucking lights
to make me realize
apart of myself
I didn't dare know
or even acknowledge
until I ended up
here

living this nightmare
I can't wake up from
to finally
figure out all of the
inner demons living
in me

one light falls
to the wood floor
shatters to a
million shiny
glittery stars

one chaotic second
turned realization
into glittering stars
on the ceiling

laying my head down
as I prepare
to fight the
inner war
I've been avoiding
my whole life

another light falls
more stars above
a new way
found

10.15.2015

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