The Evolution of Christmas Emotions

When you're young, Christmas is full of anticipation. 

The evening church service lasts an hour but feels like days.

Lighting the candle for Silent Night is exciting.

You leave cookies, carrots, and a glass of milk for Santa.

You wake up early, long before the sun rises, to open up stockings. 

Then you must wait until the cinnamon rolls to cook before you open gifts.

The whole day is filled with magic from the presents received and the time spent with family. 

It's a Wonderful Life plays in the evening, though the meaning goes right over your head.

You fall asleep, dreaming of what will come next year.

When you're a young adult, Christmas isn't as magical.

The evening church service goes by in a blink of an eye.

Lighting the candle of Silent Night is stressful but beautiful.

Carrots aren't left for reindeer. 

Your mom texts you if you sleep in until 8am.

The cinnamon rolls are waiting for you downstairs.

Everyone opens up stockings before you.

Presents are exchanged quickly after.

The day feels quite normal considering it's a holiday.

You go to the movies to see the latest Star Wars movie.

It's a Wonderful Life plays in the evening, the meaning is understood and moments hold significance.

You fall asleep, dreaming of nothing in particular.

Seventeen Thoughts About 2017

1. This year has felt like many years in one second.
2. We've come so far, moved all over, gone back and forth and we're only beginning.
3. Time moves as quickly as the never-ending news cycle. 
4. What used to be overlooked is no longer acceptable.
5. There's more good than evil, always has been, always will be.
6. Focusing on what matters is more important than getting caught up in meaningless distractions.
7. Leaders who are ignorant tell lies instead of working towards what they said they would accomplish.
8. A majority of people form opinions without doing research on the subject they're discussing.
9. Critical thinking and analyzing is so important, especially with "fake news".
10. We can't expect anyone to save us from where we are by refusing to step up to the plate ourselves.
11. Those who resist ignorance and refuse to be silenced are going to change our future for the better.
12. The shift in our culture within the last couple of months regarding sexual harassment and assault is a step in the right direction.
13. Women are sharing their stories. We are being heard, no longer ignored.
14. Men who have gotten away with disgusting and inappropriate behavior for far too long are finally being held accountable for their actions.
15. There's a light at the end of the long tunnel.
16. The tides are changing.
17. Change is coming.

The Name Your Parents Gave You

may have a meaning or chosen for a reason
or your parents could have just liked it
whatever it is, it's the first thing you're called
it's how you're known, seen, and spoken of
for the majority, if not all, of your life.
you may go through phases of wanting to
change it, the name they chose doesn't
fit your personality or soul, how would
they know this isn't what you were meant
to be named, you'd think to yourself when
you decide you should change it, naming
yourself because you'd rather have a better
name to match how you want to view the
life you created or the life you desire to have.
you try it out, introduce yourself to new
or existing people in your life as the name
you feel is right for you. only you realize
after some time of insisting people call
you this name that you chose for yourself
that it doesn't sound like you, the name
strangers call you only works for as
long as the phase does, you realize
the name your parents gave you is the
only gift that remains until you pass on.
you grow up and go someplace, where
you meet someone and suddenly decide
to introduce yourself them as the name
you were given at birth, the one you
choose to run away from for the
several months because you wanted
a new life and now that you're here,
you don't mind bringing back the
name you've always had and refused
to keep when you were eager to leave.

The Disconnect

I can’t explain what I mean. And even if I could, I’m not sure I’d feel like it.

—	J.D. Salinger

Contradiction with emotion through thought and conversation.
Rambling occurs when there isn't connection from one to the other.
Articulation is tricky with or without time constraints.
For I cannot speak what I want to say fluently.
To do so perfectly is to know magic.

Since my thoughts are rarely heard by others through my voice,
I write them down, with messy handwriting no less.
This is how I think and feel and talk.

Once I found my thoughts on a page, I felt free.
No longer feeling constricted by my own voice

Honestly, I don't know how I would feel 
If my thoughts and my speech were perfectly connected.

I wouldn't ramble to explain myself.

The need to explain oneself is exhausting.
How many people are actually listening?
Everything I say I don't necessarily mean or feel.

My days of filling rooms with unnecessary air are over.
You wouldn't know if what I was saying to you was true.

Is it?

What you're reading now, is this my story?
Are these words how I'm feeling?
You could say yes and be wrong.

Or you could believe this is not my story but still answer yes.
How would I know how you feel?

How would you know the truth from a lie?


If I were to explain to you what I mean,


If I were capable of doing so through my actual voice,



I'm not sure I'd feel like it.