Torn-Between Trailer!!!

Over the summer, I made a short film while I was in Maine. I'm not quite finished editing it yet but I thought I would give you a preview of what you can expect. The film is about a young woman named Jesse who is trying to figure out what exactly she wants in life. She's the type of person who makes decisions based on feelings and not thought. This is her journey to start figuring things out. The story is told through Jesse's internal thoughts and does not have dialogue. I can't give much away but I hope you enjoy this short trailer!


Torn-Between
A Short Film by Kelly Severseike
Coming Soon

Music: Scapes by Silent Partner

Change

someone demands
someone orders
someone cries
someone mocks
someone speaks
without thinking
change can be unnecessary

responses are shown
protests are peaceful
nothing is spoken
headlines are made
take a knee
stand up for what
you believe
change can be important

headlines
headlines
headlines
somehow getting news
is more important than
what is said about you
change can be redundant

sides
left right
up down
this that
disagreements
make arguments
no eye to eye
make it personal
no one wins
change can be missed

baby
toddler
child
teenager
young adult
adult
elder
transitions happen
personal feelings change
change can be a process

move from one place to another
fall in love, get married and then divorced
have children or don't have children
graduate and find yourself
know who you are and what you love
change can be good

leaves change colors
autumn arrives
weather drops 
sweaters on
warm fireplace
walk in the woods
admire the leaves
the colors marvel
in the rain
mountain views
the little things
change can be beautiful

Goodbye Summer

In a few days, it will be Autumn.

Summer's weather may stick around, but the season will be done for the year.

Heat, especially in September, is too gruesome to bare.

Get me out of the heat! I'm done with the constant sun!!

Where walking a block leaves you covered in sweat with no way to cool off.

It's the restrictiveness I hate the most, feeling as though I've overheated my soul.

When your wearing as little clothes as possible but what your wearing makes it worse.

How is this possible to loathe a season you once loved?

Perspectives change and places shift your point of view.

I grew up in a desert and was used to the heat.

The last time I went back, I swore I could never go again.

It's too much heat, I need seasons. I love seasons.

It wasn't until I was twelve when I got to experience seasons.

Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring.

For a while, I hated the cold but now I anticipate it the way I used to wait for summer.  

This summer, I got to experience a few different climates.

Dry heat, some humidity, and extreme humidity.

I prefer the first two to the last one.

Though I'm sick of all of it by now.

I'm ready for Autumn with cooler weather and warm sweaters.

Melodrama was the soundtrack of my summer.

I'm sure it will continue throughout the other seasons.

Summer, you're the worst with the heat.

Please, don't stay longer than your supposed to.

Like you did last year.

Goodbye.

Beginning of Summer

Remembering September 11th, 2001

I had just turned eight when 9/11 happened. All I was told that two planes had hit two tall towers in New York City. I wasn't able to fully comprehend what that meant at the time and a lot of the commotion was mostly kept away from me. Though there was an anxious feeling in the air. The day after, the entirety of my elementary school stood around the flag pole with the flag at half mast to honor everyone who lost their lives the previous day. There was crying from many of the adults while others looked stunned that the country was dealing with understanding this horrific event. With my right hand over my heart, I felt an enormous feeling that life would be different from that day forward.

There was this girl on the playground who was crying on the small yellow slide later that afternoon. Her name began with a K and she was wearing a red shirt and her brown hair was in a pony tail. I went up and asked her what was wrong. She looked at me, her light blue eyes filled with liquid. She told me that her father was missing in New York. 

That interaction was the most I really knew of what happened. Kids no longer having a mother or father. I can't remember how that impacted my thoughts then but looking back, I can't help but feel like that period of time during and after the attacks, life was changing all around me and I couldn't grasp anything for longer than a few minutes. My reality was still innocent, though I could see glimpses of the reality beyond my point of view was not.

Before 9/11, my father could come back with my mom, sister, and I at the airport to keep us distracted while my mom organized and got herself together to the flight to Maine. I remember watching planes go by with my father and getting excited about flying to see Grandma. The summer of 2002, he was no longer allowed to come back to the gate with us. There were new rules in place and those who weren't flying could no longer go past security. I could see my mom was a little more stressed than usual flying with us because she had to keep us calm and entertained while also navigating our way through security. 

My mother's brother and sister in law used to live in New York and we would visit them and go to the city. We visited them and took the train in a month or two before everything went down. We went to the famous toy store FAO Schwarz and I got a small walking toy dog. I remember being so excited about having that toy dog and walking a bit around the city, looking up at all the tall buildings. When 9/11 happened, I thought back to my wonderful time in the city and probably thought of all the toys I encountered at the toy store. Though I do remember the tall buildings and wondering if any of the ones I was amazed by were hurt.


Regardless of what I knew happened, I understood that what took place on September 11th, 2001 was serious and changed everyone's lives. It caused everyone to acknowledge the fact that there's bad and bad people can do bad things. But there's more good than bad, no matter what bad does.

A few years after, my family visited my uncle and aunt in New York and went back to the city. After a day of walking around and doing various activities, we walked by ground zero. It was a huge hole in the ground with a barbed wire fence around it. There were missing people fliers on the fence and dirt flying out of the hole. The buildings around still had black ash on the exterior from what had happened. It was a moment I'll never forget. The pain was still in the air and walking by the place where everyone's lives were impacted in some way was a magnitude of incomprehensible emotions and feelings. 

I learned more about what had actually happened on that day as the years went by. My freshman year of high school, I watched one of the many documentaries on tv and the footage shown was a lot to see. It's one thing to be told what happened and it's another thing to actually see and hear people who lose their lives on that day. Not only in New York but in Pennsylvania and Washington DC too. The weight I felt when everything happened came back when I watched that footage for the first time. I was back to my elementary school, standing around a flag pole with the flag at half mast, feeling the weight of the world changing in a single day, in one moment.

Last summer, I was fortunate enough to spend a few days in Washington DC. While I was there, the girl who I was with (who was 13 at the time) and I visited the Newseum. There was an exhibit of 9/11 and all the reporting that happened on 9/11 and the days following with the south tower's antenna on display. I was in a small room, watching the footage I had first encountered years before. While watching the terrifying and horrendous images flash across the screen, I realized I was the only in the room who was alive when 9/11 happened. It was this strange feeling of acknowledging that people younger than me who weren't old enough to know anything was happening or who weren't even born yet will learn about that day through history books and stories. They will never know what the world was like before 9/11. Life was different before that day and though I don't remember a lot, I'm thankful to have remembered enough. 

This day, we remember those who lost their lives and the families and friends who lost someone they loved. The girl with the blue eyes and brown hair who was crying on the small yellow slide left a few days after everything that happened a Tuesday in late summer and never came back. I always think of her on this day and wonder if her father was ever found or if his image and name were on one of the missing person fliers I saw on the fence. Mostly, I hope that she's okay.

Cracked Window - A Short Story

The rain had stopped. It poured for a few hours one late afternoon in September. I watched through a cracked, glass window, drops streaking my view of the earth into something I have not seen before. Details became blurred as colors heightened into shapes of circles and squares. 

I was reading a book, one I have read over ten times. It's permanently stuck in my brain of a memory that is not my own. And yet, it's comfort for when times get hard and I'm left in a panic. 

Rain has never been my favorite weather. I don't like getting my hair wet unless I absolutely must. Dancing in the rain has never been something that brings me joy. I'm overthinking how wet I am instead of being in the moment of feeling water fall onto my exposed face and limbs.

The book is about a girl who finds bits and pieces of herself in other people. She takes and molds her personality into whoever she's with. She does this because she doesn't know who she is or what she wants. So she drifts along shores and through different lives, looking and searching for what isn't there. In reality, she doesn't sit still because she's afraid of what she'll have to acknowledge when she does. 

The autumn leaves are beginning to transition. Magnificant colors are floating above, sprinkled with water from the rain. The universe is a magical mystery in how the seasons bring new visuals for the eyes to gaze at and cameras to capture. This is my favorite season, for the changing colors, remind me how beautiful change can be. 

This book is like a warm blanket on a cloudy day. For me, it's a reminder that everyone has something going on in their lives that they have to deal with. Though I cannot relate to the protagonist, I feel for this young woman. She's a mystery to herself and that ought to be a particular way of living. Falling into things without thinking and not letting people in because she can't let her own self in without destroying everything in her path. It's fascinating.

It's never easy but embracing change, which you really cannot control, is a healthier way of dealing with things. Comfort is a false notion that safety is always present. Because it's not and you must be able to ride the waves instead of being drifted back into the deep sea. 

I guess what I love about this story is what I hate about rain and love about autumn. This young woman won't embrace herself until the last page when she realizes she might actually look into the mirror and see what has become of who she is. I don't like the feel of rain but I admire the look of it. And the smell of everything being cleansed once more. Details come back into view through the cracked window. Falling leaves drift off the trees and floating through the air, away they go!