The Disconnect

I can’t explain what I mean. And even if I could, I’m not sure I’d feel like it.

—	J.D. Salinger

Contradiction with emotion through thought and conversation.
Rambling occurs when there isn't connection from one to the other.
Articulation is tricky with or without time constraints.
For I cannot speak what I want to say fluently.
To do so perfectly is to know magic.

Since my thoughts are rarely heard by others through my voice,
I write them down, with messy handwriting no less.
This is how I think and feel and talk.

Once I found my thoughts on a page, I felt free.
No longer feeling constricted by my own voice

Honestly, I don't know how I would feel 
If my thoughts and my speech were perfectly connected.

I wouldn't ramble to explain myself.

The need to explain oneself is exhausting.
How many people are actually listening?
Everything I say I don't necessarily mean or feel.

My days of filling rooms with unnecessary air are over.
You wouldn't know if what I was saying to you was true.

Is it?

What you're reading now, is this my story?
Are these words how I'm feeling?
You could say yes and be wrong.

Or you could believe this is not my story but still answer yes.
How would I know how you feel?

How would you know the truth from a lie?


If I were to explain to you what I mean,


If I were capable of doing so through my actual voice,



I'm not sure I'd feel like it.