Process - Up & Down

Last week, I felt many emotions.

Betrayal of my own body -
how could you possibly do
this without consulting me?

Scared of what this means -
diving into another unknown
without seeing where the bottom goes.

Anger at this list -
another thing to add to
things I cannot control.

Fear of what's next -
blindly stepping into yet
another arena with no warning


Many tears have been shed,
much more will come soon.
Emotions are how I process.

I'm not sad for myself,
no, "oh god, not again!"
no asking, "why me?"

I don't ask myself
answerless questions
as I mentally prepare

to check another box
of things I did not choose
but have no choice

but to accept.