#MeToo

Too young to know
what happened
wasn't a game

He framed it
as something
fun and simple

Looking back
I wonder if his 
pattern continued




I didn't want him
to enter my
personal space

Arms crossed
I stood away

Clearly uncomfortable

He kept touching
my shoulder

Said he didn't
bite

Pulled me in
for an unwanted hug
my arms still crossed

I pushed him away
and ran

Scared he would follow me
and do something worse

Though I was physically okay
the moment left mental scars
throughout my teenage years


Anxiety

Fear
Paranoia

Always thinking the worst

What if
What if
What if
What if
What if


The thoughts I had running away
were applied repeatedly day after day



I don't remember
their appearances, 
voices, or names

Only their actions remained

★

Over the last couple of weeks, the hashtag MeToo has become prevalent across all social media platforms. I've read so many stories from girls and women of all ages, detailing the horrible encounters and incidents that left them forever changed. Reading stories from those I follow and who I am friends with, I understand that I'm not the only young woman who fears rape, sexual assault, or harassment every time I walk out my door. Whenever I'm anywhere in public, especially when I am alone, I'm hyper-aware of my surroundings. Who is near me and what is they're doing. I walk fast with determination and ignore anyone I don't know who tries to stop me. I pretend I don't hear them or shake my head without stopping. This is the mechanism I've developed over the years to feel as comfortable and calm as I can without letting vulnerability or anxiety lead my thoughts to my fears. I'm a focused walker. I can push my fears to the side to get through my day, or at least from place to place.  



One post that really stuck with me was from Caitlin FitzGerald, who wrote on Instagram:


"This summer my father and I were listening to the radio and a story came on about fear and the host said something like, "(white) men are truly afraid a handful of times in their lives, while women are afraid almost every day." My father turned to me in shock and said, "is that true for women?!" To which I could only reply with shock of my own: "Of course it is dad."" 



If this hashtag has taught society anything is that we live in a culture where much more goes unspoken than expected. Women (and men) are scared to share their stories because they're afraid of not being believed. There is an unspoken fear among the majority of women. 

We have stories. We are sharing them and we are being listened to. Where do we go from here?