may's poems.

5.3.2015 

10:31pm

thoughts of halloween

take over my mind as I

glance at the time

six more months

until pumpkins ghosts

and kids wanting

candy for strangers

although now that

the world is once

again lushes and

green, autumn

air can wait

looking through

photographs

I'm happy there's

seasons we wouldn't

appreciate one season

if that's all we had

the earth is reborn

along with flowers

and the warm

breeze of summer

10:36pm

_______________

5.5.2015

american pie

sad country

no music playing

no one knows

what to say or do

but mourn the

loss of beautiful artists

creative minds

lost a part of their

brain cells that

day from overdosing

not able to accept 

the reality of today

the tragedy of tomorrow

and the rest of their lives

_______________

5.7.2015

green leaves like lily pads

under clouds of fresh rain

sun appearing through

a gray mask

kids on the playground

second grade drama

talking like mini adults

with small brains

thursday is here

one more day until kids

go wild and adults

want to be them

  

_______________

5.9.2015

snow that was

once rain falls

from the gray

spring evening sky

adults drinking booze

kids running wild

dogs freaking out

away from all

the chaos is

me and mike's

quietly surfing the

internet wasting away

my young life

eating a bad

but deadly delicious

krispy kreme doughnut

on my sister's

bed I pause

to look through

the dated white

shades at the

falling remembrance or

winter

summer's here 

I think with

a small smile

_______________

5.17.2015

young people shouldn't

make life altering

decisions until at least

age 30

now is the time to

create who we 

want to be and

find our way in

this messed up

society

see the world

write poems

drink too much

coffee at 10am

find your true friends

distance yourself from the

annoying ones

but please

don't make a life changing

decisions until you know

who you are

brave

is being more

than being honest

it's about revealing

something you haven't

told a soul

vulnerability is one of

the scariest feelings

humans have

only one or two people

know who you are

but the only one

who knows everything

about you is the

person living your life

_______________

5.18.2015

midnight silence

the world is calm

children are sleeping

adult's dreaming of

mistakes unmade and

coffee in the early morning

dim light messy floor

tired eyes wild mind

her body desperate to

close the chapter of

yesterday while her

thoughts are imagining

realities far beyond her

own starring people she

does not know

headphones on the bed

white fan going along

with snoring from

another room is the

only sound in her ears

she sighs lightly

happy birthday mom

_______________

5.19.2015

cat's are meowing

they must be wanting something

birds are chirping

they must be joyful

_______________

5.21.2015

my mind is all over

never ending

thoughts go back

then run straight

ahead like humans

in sight of danger

views with stories

words with faces

complete chaos

filled with coffee

and photos of

woods in autumn

as green leaves turn

to orange art as

they float to the

ground like feathers

blown from a soft

breeze and the sun

gets closer as the

nights greets the

day sooner than

people want and

all that's left is

the memories of

summer with the

beautiful orange

leaves that are

gone too soon

_______________

5.31.2015

hot gray summer days

birds flying into white

marshmallow clouds with

an ocean blue sky

the world is alive

once again filled

with children laughing

and adults drinking

moments pass suddenly

yesterday was spring

tomorrow will be autumn

the cool spring nights

are now sweaty from

the summer heat

smells of campfires in the air

fireworks in our ears

a quiet night

dim lamp calm mind

reflection at it's finest

my 21st summer.

"And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had the familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer." F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby.

I didn't know what to expect this summer but I wasn't expecting what happened. My mind was a blank page in May, now we're in August with pages filled with memorable moments and lessons learned. I worked a lot, drove even more. Moments of complete happiness others of completely insanity. Drank way too much Starbucks and very little water. There was laughter and tears among the realization that I know nothing at all and being all right with that.

My friend's wedding was what started off my very eventful summer. It was a delight to see her get married and I was honored to be apart of her wedding. She looked absolutely beautiful. About a month after the wedding my friend from Arizona came out the same week I just happened to get two eye infections. Which wasn't fun for her to be here while I was going through that and the worst part is that I didn't feel like doing much besides complaining about how my eyes feel as though they're on fire. I was miserable but my friend is the most understanding and forgiving person I know. Somehow we managed and got to see some beautiful sights when I wasn't complaining about my burning eyes (all is well, don't know how it came to be but it was gone by the next week. Bad timing and frustrating moments make for laughable memories later, right?). 

Right after the wedding I went to see Lana Del Rey at Red Rocks. It feels like I saw her yesterday even though it's been three months (I was saying that when I saw her the first time up to when I saw her the second time). Being at the same place and seeing her live for the second time less than a year later was surreal but an incredible experience. Some people think her music is sad and depressing but I think her work is beautiful and artistic. The way she paints a scene in your head with her lyrics while setting the mood with music is a rare thing for an artist these days. To make you think and feel and imagine of your life or something else. Some say her music is dark, I see it as poetry. Maybe it's because I see the world through a different perspective. 


I read a lot of books, mainly sticking to the nonfiction side. Reading about other people's lives is absolutely fascinating to me. Seeing how someone got to where they are now or the struggles they faces when they were younger helps me see that I'm not the only one who has problems. Everyone has issues, most have an easier of hiding them. Nobody's perfect, even the ones who appear to be. That's what makes us human.

Writing over these past few months have come in waves. I go a few weeks without touching a pen to moments of random inspiration. I've come to realize that when I'm in an inspiring moment, I tend to think in the way I write, as though I'm constantly writing in my head, rewording and coming up with better to structure a sentence or topic. To the point where when I go to write down what I've been playing in my head over and over again, the thought vanishes into thin air. 

Working took up the majority of my summer, it kept me busy and at time tested my limits (which at times pushed my Starbucks addiction into overdrive). I drove a lot (4,000 miles in two months if you want to get specific) that my parents now call my job "Uber driver for kids." I'm grateful that the parents I work for don't have to worry about their kids, knowing that they're in good care. Working with kids is not as easy as one may thinking I developed the ability of staying calm in moments of chaos. But overall it's definitely rewarding and has taught me a lot about myself as well as how important it is for kids to have positive role models in their lives. They impact my life tremendously. My hope is I do the same for them.

Maine was the last and most relaxing part of my summer. I've gone there every summer for the past 20 years. Even though I have never lived there, I consider it my home away from home. It's been the one constant that's been in my life since I was one years old. When people ask me what's my happy place, Maine is what I say. My mother grew up there, it's where she was born, my grandmother still lives in the home where she raised my mother and my three uncles. 58 years in that house. 

My Grammie has been a big inspiration and influence in my life. She's definitely a woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind (calling my nose ring a booger throughout the week). She's the sweetest woman I know. I'm so thankful to be able to know her both as a kid and now as an adult. I remember last summer she told me something after I was having a difficult time speaking "I may not always know what to say but know that I will always listen and I will always care." To have her say that in a moment where I was struggling meant the world and still holds truth today. My grandmother, along with my mother, are the two most beautiful woman I have ever known, both inside and out. I soak up every conversation I have with her. I love that she's still awes at the little things in this world and that she claimed I grew since I last saw her last summer, even though I don't think I have (I have not measured myself lately. However I'm pretty sure I stopped growing five years ago, but who knows. Maybe there's still hope I somehow grew half an inch and I am now 5'3"). Also how she says she would give me an A for my writing and poetry (she's a former English teacher and a little biased but I'm not complaining).



Along with my Aunt Liz who is too funny for her own good (it's a good thing unless you're competing in a plank challenge or you have to pee), Uncle Rick who let me drive his boat that I would end up at the bottom of the lake (it wasn't Titanic, there weren't any icebergs involved and he wasn't phased when the boat would lean significantly to the right. But there were definitely a few moments where I was internally screaming, "ABORT! ABORT! WE'RE GOING DOWN!! EVERY MAN FOR THEMSELVES!!!!!!" We were fine.), my Aunt Donna who bakes the most delicious treats imaginable (FROM SCRATCH! I can barely bake cookies) and who can do things at 68 that I can't picture doing (never say never but I'm pretty sure I won't be jumping off bridges at her age, the thought of doing it now gives me butterflies), and my Uncle Ferris who still works at the fire station that terrified me as a kid (hated loud noises) and who happens to be the brother who gave my mom a black eye fighting for the backseat when they were younger (he has no recollection of doing this, she remembers it clearly and there's a photo of her at camp to prove it) it was wonderful to go back. Sitting by the ocean or the lake, watching eagles fly over and seeing a wild lune up close. Visiting my cousins who are grown up and now have families or their own. Taking tons of photographs, showing how beautiful the great state of Main is. It went by too fast but made memories that will last a lifetime. York is my favorite place but it's the family there is that make it my favorite. People give a place meaning.

As I'm writing these words, sitting on a flight coming home from Maine, the man next to me claimed the left armrest, making my hand writing worse than it normally is (hard to believe, right mom?), and still have two hours to go. At least I have a view, not a lot of clouds but I'm sure I'll see more before we land. Whenever I'm in a plane, looking at the earth below, I always take a moment to reflect as well as remind myself how small the world is. It's all about perspective. How big problems seem when on the ground but in the sky those problems become insignificant, if only for a few hours. It's in these moments where we're forced to disconnect from people (wifi isn't cheap) and focus on other things. Talk to people you normally wouldn't interact with or notice in your day to day life (the man next to me will won't move his arm. Which is forcing me to sit as close to the window as possible. Will not be interacting with him.) or reflect on how your life is going (because this man next to me has the armrest and I have no choice but to write in an awkward position causing my water to just spill and a rude look from him). 

Overall this summer has been the most rewarding, having the most personal growth as well as figuring out the person I want to become. Who that is, I still don't know for sure. I know I still want to be an awe of this life and never take anything for granted (even though I already do most of the time). I know I want to continue to take photographs that inspire me as well as write all the words I possibly can. 

My 22nd birthday is tomorrow. I will be the age of one of Taylor Swift's hit 22 (yes that will be played a lot throughout the day). Who knows what my 22nd year will bring, what memories will be made, the people I will interact with, with places I will explore (New York City?), the books that will inspire me, poems I will write, or the photographs I will take.

All I know is that whatever happens, it'll be an adventure.

'til next time!

Kelly.